One min you are fine,
The next you get angry at the smallest of things.
Then tears start to flow,
Your stomach squirms and your throat goes dry.
You start crying like crazy and want to scream your lungs out but you can’t so start to pull the hair on your head and you get all figity,
You feel guilty.
You can’t control the energy within your body and start to get breathless and feel dizzy,
The monster inside you shows up and you don’t know what to do.
Suddenly you realise You’ve stopped doing all those things and are now staring up at the wall as calm as the still waters,
You are not thinking anything and don’t know who you are and feel nothing.
You stay like that till the time you fall asleep.
She sat by the sea. Looking up she could see dragons fly. He watched her the whole time, wondering why she was so in love with the sky. The next day, she was nowhere to be found. He sat on the rocks and looked up. He could see her cry. And that’s when he understood, cause he too fell in love with the sky.
I turn the music loud again,
To escape the same thoughts’ chain.
Every time I feel like I’m moving on,
It creeps up on me like a disguised con.
This is a continuous circle of infinity,
It’s like this anxiety is for eternity.
The more I try to pull it out of me,
The more it leeches on you see.
I feel guilty for feeling this way sometimes,
Cause no one else understands these chimes.
I keep feigning a smile,
Cry all alone once in a while.
Putting on a brave face,
I try to embrace.
These different pieces of who I am,
This is a tiring process god damn.
I see the wind move in swirls,
Tiny stars shine like pearls.
Surrounded by circles of light,
The moon is yellow and bright.
In the dead of The Starry Night,
And in my sight.
A silent village falls asleep,
While my imaginations run deep.
Distracting myself from messy thoughts,
I paint the canvas with little dots.
All I can see day in and day out,
Is the vast sky coloured all about.
The only thing that keeps me sane,
Trapped in this pain.
Is to art,
With all my freaking heart.
(My first attempt on Van Gogh’s Starry Night turned out to be greater than my expectations and all one of my best creations till date. This painting symbolizes hope for me. Hope you guys like it too.)
Laying on the cold floor,
A warm tear starts to roll.
Staring at the white ceiling,
I wonder when all this black will finally start healing?
Surrounded by feelings of nothingness,
Yet consumed by all the fucking stress.
A continuous cycle,
Known as the karma’s circle.
Invisible to the common eye,
Everyone is deaf to the silent cry.
I can’t decide whether it’s a boon or a bane,
That strangers are going through the same.
The only thing that keeps me sane,
Is that a parallel universe will eventually reverse this pain.
So 2 weeks back I made this painting and posted it on my insta account.
Within few hours my friend said she wanted to buy it.
For a few seconds I thought she is kidding cause who would want to buy a painting from me right? I’m still a novice. (Also because I had no intention of putting it up for sale cause I personally love it.
But I was like “okay. Yes you can buy this.” She is a good friend of mine and I know she values my art.
The next day we met and I gave it to her.
I think more than her being happy with buying it I clearly was selling it.
Someone wants my art and that boosted my confidence 100 times.
I am officially an Artist now, I guess.
This has been a long, painfully sad sometimes, journey for me.
I have been drawing and painting since I was a kid. Its the only thing in life I’m absolutely certain about and I give it my heart and soul.
I don’t know where life’s gonna take me, but I do know this, I will never stop my art.
(I know this was kinda a long rant, however I wanted to share it with you’ll)
The guy besides me was talking to his girlfriend on the phone,
Telling her all about the things on the trip he did alone.
At the corner I could see 4 men wearing suits,
Having this intense meeting in black boots.
A curly haired teenager sat in the centre and waited for his coffee,
Like that was life’s biggest toffee.
And there I was slowly sipping hot chocolate,
Observing as an introvert, as if that were my fate.
It has been a while,
I was occupied with a work pile.
Wish you a belated Merry Christmas,
I hope your New year is one happy business.
2019 was a freaking roller coaster,
One of the worst yet a learning roaster.
WordPress became my feelings outlet,
Met a non-judgmental witty wolves belt.
Sought out help from a professional,
Nothing to be ashamed of even though its a little dull.
2020 Imma gonna slay your ass,
Watch out for my sass!
(Thank you everyone for liking my poetry, it means the world to me<3. I feel like belong here! My fellow wolves here…. thank you for including me in the pack<3. Shout out to John(The Eclectic Contrarian) for caring so much <3. Dragon Warrior you cutie<3.)
(Now something that is important and needs awareness and attention… Mental Health! It is absolutely the most important thing. Caring for yourself and seeking professional help is nothing to feel ashamed about. I’m doing it and extremely proud of myself. Telling your loved ones about it and explaining it to them maybe hard in the beginning but with time they will understand and support you. If you cant tell them face to face write it and send an email or something… I myself wrote a 7 page doc explaining to them what it is and that I’m going through it and certain triggers that i could think of. Also I’m always here to listen, to try to help out in whichever way i can.)
Signing off for this year!
A pretty cool Introvert!<3
I got him in my dream,
It was as calming as the sound of a stream.
We locked hands for the first time,
Which was even more exhilarating than committing a crime.
I was late for my walk in reality,
Thought he would have left already.
I just wanted to see him for a second,
And there he was drinking water near the bend.
And even though I can’t be with him,
This connection isn’t just a whim.
Even god knows my feelings are so pure,
He sends him in my sadness as a cure.
Why do I go back to feeling numb?
It’s like I’m going to succumb.
Is there an end to this madness?
Or will I be left with forever sadness?
Cause there is only so much pain I can bear,
I’ve started to loose all my hair.
My eyes look like tennis balls,
I look like those broken dolls.
Hey are u even there?
Do you even care?
These stupid pleas I make,
Are now making me shake.
I’m losing hope,
I don’t know how to cope.
(I wrote this last week during my peak anxiety. What I learnt is it’s only and only up to me to decide and come out of this shithole. It’s not going to be easy. But it’s not impossible.)